When the Really Tough Days Come Along…August 12, 2015 5:53 pm
The one thing I promised myself when I started this blog, was to keep it real. To be honest. To be true to myself and to get rid of some of the facade that covers up ME/CFS and what life is like living with this misunderstood condition.
I really want this space to be uplifting and empowering. To give you tools to assist your own healing and to share some of the lessons I’ve learned along my own path.
But equally as important, is letting those of you who are struggling with chronic illness right now, know that you are not alone in finding this one of the most challenging things you will probably ever have to go through. The pain. The isolation. The heart shattering, life changing stuff, that comes alongside the physical aspects of living with something like this.
Yes all I write is true. Yes it is in align with what my heart and soul believe. So much good has come out of my experience so far in terms of my own personal growth.
But are spiritual lessons and heartfelt words the full picture? Absolutely not.
Do I still have bad days? Erm…YES!
It’s true to say, that such a huge part of getting well is about connecting to your inner power and doing all you can to support your body and mind in their healing. Being grateful for what you DO have and trying to be as positive as you can in a way that lifts your soul up, whilst still allowing space for the expression of your more difficult feelings as and when they arise.
But the harsh reality, is that living with this, gets hard.
Really. Bloody. Hard.
Living day in, day out, with extreme fatigue (not to mention a whole load of other symptoms) is hard. Plastering on a smile, when all you really want to do is curl up and sleep, is hard.
Having no definitive answers about your path out of all this, and even worse, no certainty that there IS a path out of this, is hard.
Trying to keep hopeful and pick yourself up after yet another setback continues to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. The beautiful hope that you are finally getting somewhere, then the shock and heartbreak as it all crashes down around you…again.
The endless years passing, taking you further from the life you used to know, is virtually unbearable.
But what choice is there?
To survive and have a chance at getting our health back we need to cling on to hope. We need to keep digging deep and doing all we can to help ourselves and our body’s heal. The alternative is to give up, and to succumb to a lifetime of illness and a negative spiral. That has never been a real option for me. I refuse to let it be an option.
But I have my moments.
Moments where I think, I can’t actually do another day of this. And I genuinely have no idea how I will cope if the rest of my life looks like one where I can only half live in the world. One foot in one foot out. Separated. My true potential no where near reached, or even given a chance to be.
So I have to continue to use all I know, all I have learned, those wonderful lessons, to help me in taking one day at a time and getting through those kinds of days.
Allowing the feelings of self doubt, and fear and frustration, to wash over me, knowing that eventually they will settle and I’ll dust myself off….and carry on….