A Love Note – For when you are Expecting too much from Yourself…December 30, 2016 5:54 pm
The other day I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a wonderful quote. As my eyes read the words, I stopped in my tracks.
You know those moments where you instantly shift perspective? This was one of those moments. You realise in one second that you’ve unknowingly slipped back into an old unconscious pattern you thought you’d dealt with years ago and a huge light is shone on what’s actually going on.
‘Today I’m Beyond Grateful for who I am and How Far I’ve Come’ ~ Amanda Marit
That was the quote. So simple.
But enough to make me realise how the stories I tell myself about my healing aren’t always actually that helpful and that I can (still) be pretty hard on myself. How actually, I haven’t been telling myself the words in this quote as the year has begun to come to a close, but the opposite. Certain patterns and limiting beliefs have an annoying way of sneaking back into your life if you don’t keep a gentle eye out for them, I’ve realised this as time has gone on.
Take the following example. In early December I went to London. I found aspects of it tough due to the deep fatigue and various other symptoms that I’m still contending with. I had to rest a lot. Yet, I did it. I saw the pretty lights on Regents Street which was my intention and something I’ve wanted to do for years, and I spent time with a good friend. However, when I got home, alongside feeling uplifted and filled with some new happy memories, I also felt disappointed and annoyed with my body.
Rather than congratulating myself that I had done it, after a year where many weeks a trip to London would have been impossible, thoughts such as ‘will i always feel this way?’ and ‘will things such as taking trips or being out and about always be such a huge deal for me?’ crept into my mind. I was dwelling on how much I needed to lay down and rest whilst I was there, the symptoms I felt and comparing myself to how I was a couple of years ago, telling myself I felt better then than I do now. It was the not good enough pattern. How I felt physically wasn’t good enough. Where I was at right now on my healing journey wasn’t good enough.
On reflection, from the place I am in now as I type these words, I can see how unhelpful those kinds of thoughts are. But when we are in the thick of them, it is hard to detach from their grip (I guess this is where brain retraining processes such as the Lightning Process or the Gupta Technique classically come in and can be helpful)
It is quite a harsh way of being with ourselves isn’t it?
So when I stumbled upon that quote the other day. I stopped. I reflected. And I realised that yes, it has been a tough couple of years. Physically in many ways I do feel worse than I did back in 2014, but so much has happened in that time. Ive lost a parent to cancer and recently lost my Grandfather. I’ve had a serious infection that was missed by Doctors. And on top of that I’ve lived with undiagnosed Anaemia, Hypothyroidism and other Endocrine Issues for goodness knows how long. Of course I’m going to feel worse than a couple of years ago. Wasn’t it sad that I was beating myself up about my lack of progress, rather than congratulating myself on the things I have moved forwards with and the things I have come through?
I realised how easy it is to expect far too much of ourselves, rather than having compassion for ourselves (and our body) and noticing our inner resilience.
The quote also made me realise this… we should not measure progress in physical terms alone. Especially when on a healing path. I have come so far (as I am sure many of you have too) in terms of my internal growth. My spiritual growth. My wisdom and knowledge. That is something that may not be visible on the surface, or measured as easily as something externally could be…but it is progress none the less. And something I think we all should remind ourselves of when we are having moments of self doubt, or feeling like we haven’t come as far as we would have liked.
We are moving towards a brand new year. Lets embrace it by letting go of the stories we tell ourselves that don’t nurture and support us and by looking forward with hope.
Let’s remind ourselves that we are doing the best we can with what we’ve got…and as long as we keep doing that, it will always be enough.
Lets remember the above quote, ‘I am beyond Grateful for who I am and how far I’ve come’ and bear it in mind as we welcome in the new year.
Wishing you all a beautiful, healthy, 2017
The Quote mentioned in this post is by Amanda Marit, you can connect with her and find some of her other beautiful quotes on Instagram @amanda.marit
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