The Power of Letting GoAugust 21, 2019 8:33 am
Do you ever find yourself in a state of fierce resistance to where you are at? Feeling you can’t quite relax into the present moment because it feels so uncomfortable?
In this weeks post I’d like to share some powerful words that came to me one evening last week. But before I do, I’d like to explore some amazing shifts I have been having that may be of interest to you in relation to your own healing, especially if you resonate with the opening paragraph to this post.
Letting Go and Surrender. Two concepts that are changing my life and my healing. They aren’t new terms to me, in fact, I have read and learned a lot about them over the last ten years or so, but it is only this year, that I am truly learning about the incredible impact embodying these states can have on our healing.
So many of us find ourselves in a state of resistance, especially when we are living with unpleasant symptoms or a chronic health condition. We find ourselves searching for answers, getting stuck up in our heads analysing things or worrying. We feel we will do anything to get rid of these unpleasant sensations in our body. I type these words from experience. I have spent so much of my 20 year journey with ME/CFS in such a state of resistance. Unable to be fully present in the moment or my body because of how deep the fatigue has been and the intensity of my symptoms. Feeling like I am somehow trying to grasp at or hold on to something in order to control my body.
Around four weeks ago, i found myself in a health setback. Once again, I found my fatigue increase to that unbearable crushing level. My brain symptoms were at their peak and my heart rate would shoot up to around 140 bpm each time I stood up. I was back to struggling to do the most basic of things and had no choice but to spend my days horizontal. The best way I can describe an ME/CFS crash is like an overwhelming feeling of your body shutting down. You are so far beyond ’empty’.
One evening, during a teary chat with my boyfriend, he said to me ‘Em, what if you just allowed yourself to free fall?’
This simple sentence shifted something in me. What would happen? If I allowed myself to simply let go. If I accepted the fluctuations. The increased intensity of my symptoms. The days where I struggled to eve sit up. If I allowed myself to sleep when I needed to, rather than forcing my painfully sore eyes open in some kind of attempt to control my body.
What would happen if I let go?
In that moment, there and then, I decided to surrender. It was a decision. An internal decision. To be fully present. To allow. To ‘be’. Letting go of all expectations of myself and all external searching. It was like a little secret experiment.
It wasn’t easy… to start with there was this weird unfamiliar kind of feeling. But, I continued trusting regardless. Listening to my body completely. Sleeping. And as I did, I realised the continuous state of resistance and stress I have been living in for my entire life. In the first few days, the fatigue and symptoms increased a lot. Everything intensified. But then? I began to feel a sense of grounded presence and peace I haven’t felt for a long time.
Four weeks later, I type these words, and I am not magically cured, but I have come out of my crash, and I continue to feel a sense of deep peace and connection to my body. I know this is going to assist my healing in magical ways.
I came across the concept of being present (mindfulness if you will) many many years ago when I first read Echart Tolles beautiful book ‘The Power of Now’. I resonated so deeply with his words and wisdom, yet, I have always struggled to properly embody them in my own life. Perhaps because for me, the fundamental elements of Surrender and Letting Go were missing. I was trying to be present, with an underlying resistance and fear of letting go fully, which in turn stopped me being fully present. I think ultimately I didn’t want what was in the present moment. I wanted to be well, and the reality of the present moment always felt too frightening. This lead to a state of resistance, over thinking, continuous tension in my body and in many ways I believe hindered my healing.
This year, and recent weeks especially, have seen me beginning to experience the true power of Surrender and Letting go. I have dived into so much inner work in the area of Self Love and Self Acceptance in recent years which has laid a foundation for me. It means I am able to treat myself more kindly now, as opposed to the version of me who would treat herself harshly, push fiercely through pain, with a strong inner critic always inside my mind making things so much worse.
By finally realising that I don’t have to be perfect, or live in a body that works perfectly to be ‘enough’ or ‘loveable’ (such powerful lessons) it has reduced the need to push myself so fiercely. It has enabled me to be more at peace with where I am at, and (see where this is going?) in turn, has meant that I am able to Surrender to what is so much more easily.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be fully well. In fact, I want that more than anything. This is why I continue to do the things that support my physical healing, be it (mindfully) try out new practitioners and healing protocols or making a green juice in the mornings. But the key here, is to do all of these things in a way that is centred and grounded. Not frantically searching for answers. But finding a way to let your journey unfold with some level of presence and acceptance of the now.
I can’t wait for the day when I wake in the morning with abundant energy and can live my life freely, doing whatever I feel on any given day without restrictions of a body that doesn’t work to its full potential. But for now, I am where I am. I can’t change that. By Letting Go, Surrendering and taking pressure off myself, it allows me to actually find peace in this moment, however it may look. It also allows healing energy to flow through the body more freely without blockages that can come from holding on so very tightly.
To me, Surrender and Letting Go looks like this…
- Letting your body rest and sleep when it needs to.
- Not telling yourself you need to be any other way than how you are in this moment.
- Realising you are enough. Always enough.
- Letting go of over analysing and worry.
- Trusting that a higher power (or God) is supporting you.
- Allowing feelings to arise without judgement.
- Not labelling feelings as good or bad.
- Allowing tears. Anger. Expression. Let them be felt and move through you. Then Released.
- Reminding yourself that Rest is so healing. That its okay to let go. Give in to what your body needs.
- Embrace where you are at courageously, with open arms.
- Know that you can feel Peace even in physical discomfort.
- Not pushing through to please others.
- Accepting where you are at right now. (begin by aiming towards acceptance)
- Expressing yourself openly.
- Being kind to yourself.
- Breathing slowly, gently, openly.
- Placing a hand on your heart, taking a breath in, and relaxing your shoulders.
- Reminding yourself you are safe.
The Words that Came to me Last Week… on Letting Go.
What if, you were to meet yourself where you are at.
No more pushing, or dragging, or urging yourself to be anywhere other than where you are in this moment.
Let your body communicate it’s messages to you without hastily silencing them or distracting from them or pushing them down anxiously.
Embody this moment fully and completely. Free fall. Drop down. Feel any discomfort or pain in its entirety. The thing you fear most. Face it head on. With love. So much love. Openness. And compassion. Knowing that by turning away, and fiercely attempting to resist yourself, you only lock in that which you wish to release.
Meet yourself where you are at, with love.
Let yourself feel. Let yourself be. No more pushing. No more forcing. No more resistance. Let yourself rest. Let yourself be. Right here.
Knowing that you are safe, and that from this place you can connect with solid ground. A place from which you can begin to rebuild your life and wellness with strong roots. With strong ground. With stability. With heart.
Meet yourself fully where you are at.
And all the moments thereafter.
Side Note – Acceptance and Surrender doesn’t mean giving up on healing, or stopping researching new things that may help your body regain its energy and equilibrium. It simply means finding a way of accepting this moment…. for now. Letting go of resistance to what is. Being kinder to yourself. And carrying out any sort of research/treatment protocols from a more grounded place. Surrender can be a huge support to your overall healing.
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